Sunday, June 30, 2013

My Love for "Accidental Parenting"

 I love me some parenting books, seriously, I crave learning when it comes to this parenting thing. Well, I did when I had a difficult baby and I needed sleep. Iv read a lot of books, I have a lot more I'd like to read. Something I noticed though, I would not pick up a new baby sleep book anymore, I just wouldn't right now. Iv read all the different methods, things either hit me good or hit me real bad. When they hit me real bad, I feel depressed, and like a failure. Sometimes it's WORSE if it is a christian author. I feel I NEED to do it their way, because- psh obviously, they are a christian and know better than I do (because I fall to the lie that EVERYONE knows more than I and somehow I am less than- A lie that is easy to fall into as a parent). I know I am not the only one. Iv heard it several times from several new parents,particularly ones who have babies that DO NOT SLEEP.( I just told a story to someone today about how I walked around outside trying to collect myself to deal with my screaming 10 month old firstborn).

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations."
Jeremiah 1:5
 One particular book, I liked the method and routine of teaching a baby to sleep, I used the advice, she was in favor of gently teaching, but the words used were condescending to me . The words" accidental parenting" were used to describe parents who choose to rock their babies to sleep, cuddle them, co sleep etc. It fell under the idea that if you do any of these things your making a mistake.I still used some of her methods, and routines and such, my baby didn't sleep too bad, but you know what-I craved him sometimes. I wanted him in my arms. This book would have told me that I was doing what was in HIS best interest, that's what parents do,whats best for their child. Here's where we need some true deciphering. Here is where we should look deep and pray when it comes to the very little things in parenting. What someone else thinks is right for all babies, is not always what is right for YOUR baby. They are speaking as a expert on the subject but they have NEVER had your child in their bellies, they have most likely never prayed for your baby. They were not entrusted with him/her. Your baby is unique, God made him or her unique. Here is the second part, your baby was given by God to You- because YOU are who is right for this child,personality and all. I might think differently right now with my 2 yr old sometimes, but for some reason God choose ME to be his mom, whether that is for my benefit to learn or his *grin*

So before you go and follow a formula for your baby (or toddler or teenager etc). Remember, Formulas are generalizations, not christian law. These books have some truth and their formulas may help but they are not set in stone-God did not sign off on them.

God MADE us to crave our babies in our arms I feel, there is a reason they are formed in the bodies of mothers and not fathers, God MADE us women to nurture. (This does not mean fathers never nurture, it also doesn't mean you always have to pick your baby up, but there is freedom in Biblical parenting).

For me personally I have learned, I don't need a spa day, I don't need a vacation from my children(not that I feel this way every day!). However,right now I am happy with a dark room, air conditioner, ocean white noise, glider and a sleeping baby, tonight was totally worth " accidental parenting", I am making great mommy memories :-).

  "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; And you will be comforted in Jerusalem." 
                               Isaiah 66:13